January 4, 2010
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The Haves and Have-Nots of Sex
Ages 18 to 28. It seems no where is separation between the haves and the have-nots any greater. I know a lot of young people who are either in a relationship or who have had practically no significant relationship. I believe that by the late 20′s this separation goes away and while some still have more success with the opposite sex, the difference is much smaller. But for many in their late teens and early twenties it seems a chasm exists.
I think for boys it is a issue of women wanting older (more experienced and more mature) men. Pity the young man who struggles with a frail frame, acne or simply the lack of confidence associated with virginity. Men at this age are also often lost in terms of a career, a good paying job, and a sense of direction.
For women I think the issue is more often associated with self esteem, the perfect body, and associated feelings of inadequacy. But again there seems to be a large number of women with virtually no social relationships. Pity the young woman who is slightly overweight or underweight or who doesn’t drink alcohol.
I see so many young people yearning for meaningful relationships, it makes me wonder if our society just does a poor job of providing ways to meet. Or is it about the expectations we set? What do you think?
Comments (25)
Ways to meet… I came to college out of state to make friends… the only people I ever spend time with are people I met my freshman year. Means of communication are becoming less personal.
Ways to meet. I am twenty, and have no significant relationships just because I have a career that I spend a lot of time with. It is unbelievably hard to meet quality people.
@Shingles_McClintock - hang in there. Women like career oriented men
@dlmcniel - I have a feeling that we could do a better job as a society to provide meeting opportunities outside of the bar scene
I believe we shouldn’t always believe what we think.
I’ve never had a problem ‘getting what i wanted’…especially with men.
It’s all in your head, that’s the problem. people think too much
I always figure the gym is a great place to meet people if you’re so inclined… not on the floor, but in the organized classes.
marriage is the union of an entire realm of understanding
I say that they way we live unrealisticly ups our expectations of what we want from a meaningful relationship. Society tends to set a bar for what’s ‘acceptable’ and what’s not in ‘common’ society. And everyone at some point or another wants to jump and clear that bar, raise it to their level, take their turn as the king of the high jump or the pole vault – if only until the next jumper clears the same bar. Everyone at some point in time dreams of being a track star like that, but as time goes on, I think many realize that there’s no shame in not clearing that bar. yeah, people strive to be the ones who are the champions, but after a while…hell, even the champions would rather not even be on the team and be like the guy smoking cigarettes by the bleachers.
I met my SO through mutual friends who set us up. It depends on chemistry and communication as well as trust and understanding.
Hmm… you are talking about me. J/k!
My case is high expectations matter. But then when I met the one that met my requirement, the chemistry was not here. I’m greedy. I want love and lust as much.
@RestlessButterfly - you have to have both. I agree.
I think… I’m lucky to have survived college… no, srsly.
Thank you for voting for us! It’s majorly appreciated.
And, I think it’s just that we don’t go out enough. We spend so much time doing this or that, that we really don’t see much of the opposite sex. It’s always ‘girls night’ or something like that. So, besides at parties, and occasional big gatherings, we don’t have many opportunities to find some who’s attractive to us in both appearance, personality, and lifestyle.
-Elle Allio
@COLPOCOQUETTE - and you don’t have any cyber relationships that are possibilities
“self esteem, the perfect body, and associated feelings of inadequacy” … right on the button.
@aprilthecaldwell - all of which is a myth of course. Over time you’ll discover that men are easy to get.
great questions. i think it’s all about the expectations. i’ve always fancied older men because i felt safer with them.
many women struggle with self-image more than men do. it sucks.
i think having confidence in oneself is so important. i still struggle with my self-esteem…..women have so much they get compared to…models, movie stars, etc. it’s hard to live up to some expectations.
@jtqueenbee30 - yes that seems so prevalent in our society.
I don’t know what it is, but it does seem, from my interaction with a lot of younger adults on Xanga, that there is a lot of loneliness amongst them. How are you Rush?
I don’t expect much out of any relationship. I don’t want to disappoint people and I don’t wish to be disappointed by people.
Mm.. I think it could be the high expectations we have for people. We tend to look at the physical traits of a person rather than looking past that to see what they have to offer on the inside. I met my boyfriend here on Xanga actually. We based our relationship on what we knew about one another on a deeper level than just physical attraction. He is 21 and I am 19 and he isnt like most people in their early twenties. He is very mature, committed and a goal oriented person. We work very well.. and we see each other as often as we can. Im not saying I couldnt find anyone off the net.. but all guys were interested in were what they saw on the outside. Nothing ever went to a deeper level.. all the guys wanted was a peice of ass! (execuse my french!) …
Well I am 19, I have no self esteem issues, or a sense of inadequacy. I think it is the expectations we set. Only because there are plenty of ways to meet “the one”, but every one expects there to be this perfect “one” for us. But the truth is no matter how long or where you look, you will never meet a spouse who meets your expectations to a T. I think if we stop looking for “the one” or “mr. right” then maybe everyone could find someone who they have a very good connection with and can have love and lust with that someone. But we are so worried about them having a good paying job, good looks, and all these other things, that we loose sight of the actual person. I feel if people would remember the meaning of “meaningful” relationships, then maybe we would have more of them. Stop looking for a this perfect person and start looking for someone that atually sets your heart ablaze! =^-^= but that is just me
@bluemoonlunareyes - @royalvixen - @angel_sister - @ItsWhatEyeKnow - thanks for all of your well articulated comments
I mostly have high expectations. I like some older men not just because they are more sexually experienced but I think they might be more experienced in life so when I talk to them, they might understand better since they’ve probably been there whereas a young guy similar to my age won’t really know how to emotionally console me. at least I haven’t met one my age that can. the irony is that I feel intimidated by some older men because they are more experienced yet I’m also attracted to them. younger men don’t really appeal to me because they aren’t intimidating enough
it is a catch-22
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL - interesting comment. thanks