July 10, 2008

• Tips For CyberSex

  First there are different levels of CyberSex depending on
  what technology you have.  There are
  various chat facilities which also provide voice transmission (or phones may be
  used) as well as webcams. Sometimes it is best to start slow and progress
  through each of these various stages getting more intimate and daring as you
  go.  It is usually a good practice to
  keep your real identity hidden until you become more familiar with the other
  person.

  I think a key to making it work is finding out what excites the other person,
  what they hope to get out of it, and how well suited you are for addressing
  their needs. And vice versa, of course. For example, you may get off on
  listening to a man’s grunting and masturbating on the phone or you may prefer
  to watch him stroke it or neither of these might be your cup of tea but you
  might prefer to be told a story with a particularly nasty fetish. So exploring
  these turn-ons with your partner is both fun and important to achieving your
  desired result. 

  Most people think of cybersex as texting back and forth and
  in the interactive conversation getting each person more and more turned
  on.  This does work and can be very hot
  but is most effective if the two parties already know each other or if at least
  one participant is very experienced and a skilled sexual communicator.  In the early stages of getting to know
  someone this can be a hit or miss proposition and the pressure of trying to get
  the other person turned on can frustrate your own desires.  Sometimes this leads to one partner getting
  their satisfaction and the other going unsatisfied.  Some of this one-sidedness is OK but really
  good CyberSex is committed to both partners satisfaction.

  So here are a few ideas beyond texting that might help you
  develop and understanding of the other person sexual preferences while enjoying
  yourself too.

  If you both share a similar interest in watching porn you can engage in
  simultaneous watching on sites like redtube.com.  Show him your favorite videos and let him show
  you his.  Watch them together and it can
  be fun to share a running commentary about the simulcast show.  As you watch you can share what you find hot
  about it, what ideas and feelings it stirs in you.  With limited pressure to create fantasies or
  conversations from scratch, this can provide good insight into what turns each
  of you on.

  You may engage in a similar joint adventure with an erotic story.  I know mine have been used this way (and with
  excellent results, I’m told).  Reading
  together can have a similar effect to watching a video, especially if you find
  a story that you both enjoy. 
  Occasionally interrupt the reading and comment on anything you find
  particularly arousing. 

  This can also be done viewing pictures
  simultaneously.  You can take any of
  these activities and have one or two partners prepare ahead of time (which can
  be a stimulating warm up).  For example,
  before you meet you each have an assignment to find 15 minutes worth of video
  that you think the other person will like.

  All of these simultaneous activities can be enhanced with
  the use of a phone or VOIP (voice over IP) technology.  Verbal communication is generally much faster
  and more interactive than texting and the subtle moans and verbal expressions
  can be a turn on.  Finally having a
  headset frees your hands which you might find better uses for.

  Speaking of phones, for those who really enjoy listening to
  an orgasm, one trick can be to end your play with a redial to your partner who
  lets your voice go into voice mail where your orgasm can be caught on tape and
  listened to over and over again at any time night or day.  (A security note about phones: understand the
  implications of the other person having caller ID.)

  Another activity includes personal pictures can be taken and
  shared.  And if one likes to be
  submissive or dominant then instructions on how and where the picture should be
  taken might occur.
   
  Using a webcam which can be purchased for as little as $75 (perhaps even less
  today) will introduce a whole new dimension into CyberSexing and a lot of other
  possibilities. With a webcam you can actually watch your partner disrobe, play
  with themselves and reach a happy ending.  I personally prefer it when my partner is shy
  and needs to be coaxed into displaying their charms.  If you are shy and uncertain about how far
  you are willing to go then be honest to those feelings.  You could start by modeling your sexy
  clothes, for example, and changing off camera. 
  

  If you swing the other way toward the bold, perhaps you
  should take on challenging dares from one another like daring to open the
  blinds while you are dressed in only your underwear.  Or walking past an open window wrapped in a
  towel.  Maybe your partner would like to
  see close ups. 

  If you turn the screen off on your computer but leave your
  computer on with the camera running, you can create a voyeuristic view of your
  home and the activity within for others. 
  This can be especially effective if your computer is located in your
  bedroom and you want to share your experience with a partner or friend with
  others without your partner knowing it.

  Involving your real (versus cyber) partner can also be a
  variation for a threesome or more.  The
  technology is just arriving that allows multiple cameras to conference on one session
  and this can be fun particularly for those who like to perform for a
  crowd. 

  In addition to our most exhibitionist and voyeuristic fantasies,
  CyberSex can be used to play out other fantasies like Domination and Submission
  where one person directs the activity of the other, telling them what to do,
  how long to do it and when to stop.  I’ve
  known some Masters who specialize in directing the activities of couples and
  this can help to spice up a potentially routine marriage or long term
  relationship.

  In short, CyberSex is a technology enabled way of exploring
  many of our deepest fantasies under cover of a secret identity and without the complication
  of physical presence.  Creating an
  identity that is that is impenetrable helps to free the spirit and includes
  having email, messenger, phone numbers, etc. that are all secure.  It is safe sex in the strictest sense.  Whether CyberSex is fantasy or cheating is a
  discussion I will leave to another time.

  • 9:30 am
  • 18 Comments