February 9, 2011
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Transference
We all make the mistake of thinking that everyone experiences things the same way we do. Whether it’s a broken marriage, a death, an illness, an addiction, or a loving relationship, a commitment, a belief of faith. With all good intentions we share the stories of our experiences to help others through the tough times and find their way to the good times. We shouldn’t be surprised when our suggestions are rejected or even when our own experiences are ridiculed. Because we are all different and no two people share the exact same perception. So while we may have had a similar experience our solutions and suggestions may not be right or accepted by the intended audience. Don’t refrain from trying to help but appreciate our limitations. Less righteousness, more tolerance.
Comments (22)
We teach a child to experience empathy and think through the eyes of others. Some never get it even as adults. Less righteousness, more tolerance. I second that!
Wise, wise thoughts. Indeed, we all must keep that in mind. Always. Thank you for posting this, Rushmore.
@Marshall1250 - I find this especially true when dealing with my children because we want to help them so much (and they never listen to us!)
@nov_way - thanks
@RushmoreJ - My kids are 41 and 40 and two of the most open-minded, empathetic people I know. They learned their lessons well. The grandkids are getting there, slowly. lol
Excellent, wise thoughts, Rush! Thank you for this! I have people in my life who assume I should do things their way, feel the way they do…Their expectations for me always back me into a corner. Then they’re angry that I’m not only not doing things their way, I’m now retreating.
I think we should love and support each other. Ask to share our opinion if we think it would help, but then respect that they are NOT US, and might do it their own way and in their own time.
And some of us are “wired” to learn things the hard way. 
HUGS!
Righteousness is shown by being of a righteous nature which, in and of itself, is contradictory to behaving in a righteous nature. Go figure. It’s kind of like humility, if you know/are trying to act that way, then you are not that way in the least.
it’s hard to remember that, since many of us are so eager to help others and give them advice. we tell them what helped us, what we experienced, rather than what may help them.
good words.
@Marshall1250 - that;s great to hear.
@veronika_grey - @Lady_Kelacy - @adamswomanlost - good additions all of you,
Not many people seem to be capable of refraining from inserting their opinions on matters that don’t involve them. That’s the thing about opinions – everyone thinks theirs is the right one so they feel the need to share their truth. Kind of like when my professor rewrote what she thought my name was, instead of taking my writing it as the correct one. Kaylie and Kylie are similar. Having confusion over which name is right is fine. However, correcting the person who has the name because you’re so sure you’re right, is messed up on its own. I’ve never really come across that.
People are unique….that is what makes us so crazy.
Knowing our limitations makes us want to do better.
This is an amazing post.
Well said!
Sounds like a painful lesson to learn.
Thanks for the comment.
*applauds*
you know i’ve never actually sat down and thought of it like that before.. great post!
thank you. i actually needed that. i am dealing with a problem right now. and you just reminded me i am handeling it the wrong way.
@AprilShowers8500 - thank you for your comment.
wow! I really like this post. “Lets celebrate individuality” Love one another but respect each other unique perceptives. Nice! My compliments.
@jiazy1 - thanks
True.You cannot think that you are the healer of all pain and have the right to interject your unsolicited opinions on others. Listening, being silent, holding hand is far better, and fulfilling.
@ZSA_MD - Wise words